Ug, I'm having to do some Stuart Smalley level talking myself off the ledge this morning.
Previous Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 186.8
Difference: 0.60 pound loss
So two weeks ago I was steadily losing, last week I was up a pound, and this week I thought that surely I would be at my weight two weeks ago or lower, but I'm just shy of that. Despite mentally coming so far, stepping on the scale this morning and seeing that has sent me into a mild tail spin. I truly thought I was going to see a 185 number, so not seeing it was a huge disappointment. I have at least 30 if not 40 more pounds to lose, and the thought of how long it will take to lose it if I either stall or bounce back and forth every week is giving me hives.
I am trying to remind myself of all the things I would tell any other friend in this situation. I feel fantastic, and my workouts have helped me combat the depression I've been struggling with for months. I'm wearing the smallest pants size I've worn in years. My measurements are showing progress and I am starting to show muscle definition. From a fitness standpoint, my strength levels are miles from from I ever thought I could do. For me to be able to consistently use 20 and sometimes even 30 pounds total for upper body exercises was unthinkable even a year ago, but I've finally hit that place. That's small potatoes for the average person, but for someone who had a weak upper body and core, it's pretty cool. I have a hundred little micro examples of improvement that I should focus on, but yet the scale is still bothering me. Usually it doesn't, but I just want desperately to not be in an overweight BMI range. I just barely got out of the obese range (finally!), and I'm just ready to be in a more normal spot.
I am trying to calm myself down by telling myself I'm doing the right things, so all I can do is trust the process and if I continue to do what I'm doing, I will lose. I am active, which for me at this point is less about weight loss and all about feeling good. I monitor my food and eat a mostly balanced diet in sensible portions. At some point there is going to be a whoosh, I just wish it would come soon so that I could calm the hell down! It doesn't help that I feel so bad about my stomach this week, specifically my digestive issues. I always look bloated, and some days it's so discouraging to feel proud and excited of muscles popping out in my arms, then look down and seeing my stomach just looking ug. I put on jeans this morning and have an effing roll over the waist due to the bloat, so now I feel self conscious because my shirt is form fitting and you can easily see it. I mean seriously, at what point can I just wear a normal size top and not have to worry about this ridiculous thing showing? I'm just very frustrated. I have yet ANOTHER doctor's appointment in March, so we'll see what he says. Probably to take Miralax, lol.
I'll get over it you guys, I promise, I'm just having a crappy day.
We are leaving for our Los Angeles trip on Saturday, so this weigh in has put a slightly different spin on things for me. I do want to enjoy myself, but now I feel like it's more important than ever to stay mindful and do my best to maintain at the very least. I'd already been brainstorming how to balance having fun while also not being crazy, so here's what I'm thinking.
1) Exercise: We are getting a VRBO in Hollywood and it does have Wifi, so I am going to bring my tablet and put some low impact cardio on my schedule. I was originally going to just take a break from from my workouts, especially since we'll be busy and doing lots of walking, but especially now I think fitting 20-30 minutes in of low impact stuff in the morning would be beneficial and help keep me in my routine.
2) Eating: Tracking my food and keeping up with MFP is non-negotiable, no matter how much or what I eat. I have a good streak going and also want to remain as aware as possible of how much I'm eating. I also plan to keep my breakfasts light in order to balance out what are likely to be caloric lunches and dinners, along with sensible portioning. Breakfast is probably the meal that impresses me least during the day anyway. I perused the menus of the places we're going and have a basic plan in place to enjoy myself without going insane. Thankfully since it's California, healthy options are pretty easy to come by.
Anyway, this too shall pass I hope. I'll be back tomorrow to post my Friday favorites!