Tuesday, September 6, 2016

The Future

Y'all.  I know.

Obviously it's been awhile, so I felt like I needed to write a post to talk about things.

In the past when there was a blogging lag, it always meant that I was failing/off the wagon and was too ashamed to blog.  I'm happy to report that the opposite is true here, I've been actually doing really well and feel like for the first time in my life, I have it figured out.  I know how to eat, I don't have a toxic relationship with food, I'm learning to be nicer about my body, and I found workouts I really like.  Like anyone else on a long weight loss journey, I have my days where I'm just legitimately exhausted with it and am ready for the losing process to be over, but I don't have the urge to just 100% throw in the towel anymore.  I just process my feelings and deal with it then move on.

As of today I'm at 183 pounds (highest weight was 250 in 2009), and I am 44 pounds lighter than I was in 2014.  Here's a couple of side by sides for comparison, the left was in 2013 at probably 220ish pounds, the right was this weekend at the Oregon State Fair at 183 pounds.

Here's a bonus closeup of my face with my goat BFF for the day:

Things are really good.  I'm healthy, inching ever closer to my still to be determined goal weight and I am passionately in love with my workouts.  I feel pretty, strong and depending on the day, I feel so tiny compared to where I was!  My job is really good.  My marriage is awesome.  Life in general is really good and I have tons to be thankful for.

So why am I not blogging about all of this stuff?

For one, my life hasn't been very interesting lately from a blogger perspective.  It's my life and I love it, but my day to day is pretty standard and isn't exactly going to keep you on the edge of your seat.  We go to work, come home, I work out, I make dinner, we watch TV.  We're doing less trips/concerts these days, so there's less of that stuff to chat about.  And my HIIT/strength training stuff, while amazing and working for me, is quite different than the running thing.  With running there was always plenty to talk about with training runs, and there was always a big buildup to some race or another.  With my new workouts, gains are harder to quantify and write about.  It's more like "hey I can do 45 seconds of burpees without dying and 2 weeks ago it was only 20 seconds", or "two weeks ago I was using 10 pound weights for bicep curls and now I can comfortably do 15 pound weights."  I mean is that interesting to anyone, or do I just sound like a douche?  I kind of feel like I sound like one of those gym bros when I talk about that stuff.

The second part is, I just don't feel a spark to blog and it just doesn't legitimately occur to me anymore.  I have plenty of time to do it, I just don't.  I don't know what the future of my blog is at this point.  Part of me feels weird/guilty that I have my shit together after all these years and am doing well, and could be sharing the love with others so to speak.  I always feel good when people say they've been inspired to make changes in their diet or exercise stuff due to seeing my weight loss or whatever.  Then another part of me, much like what happened with my relationship with running, just isn't feeling it and keeping up with it feels exhausting.  It just feels like I'm forcing things at this point, and I also feel like a hoseweed lately when I'm all like "oh I'll be better about blogging, I promise" and then of course don't.

So for right now, the status quo is that the blog is staying up, but will be updated when and if I feel like it.  There is so much history here, and it's so fun for me to look back on my old posts and see how far I've come physically and mentally.  (Plus I have apparently educated hundreds that Vega One protein powder will make you puke and crap yourself into an out of body experience....that post is STILL my most popular and most commented on after all these years!)  And again, I will do updates, but they may be more like every 3-6 months instead of every week.

I hope this doesn't bum people out too badly.  I realize that not having fresh content means a loss of readers and interest, I totally don't blame you guys if you jump ship.  I truly have appreciated the support I've gotten over the years, and the blog has been such an amazing way for me to process feelings and finally get it together.  I made some of the best friends of my life due to my blog (shout out to my Lovely Ladies!)  I don't take that for granted at all, I just think maybe I need a break.  Hopefully people will still be around for the updates when they happen.