Friday, April 29, 2016

Delayed Thinner Thursday

Hey guys, sorry for the delay!  Yesterday we got to work and the internet was down.  To keep busy I started my post in Word Pad, then they sent us home because there was no ETA on getting the internet back and I had no way to transfer the post to myself!  Anyway, better late than never eh?

Previous Weight:  191.2
Today's Weight:  190.4
Difference:  -0.8

Oh.  Mah.  Gawd.

Obviously I'm happy with my weigh in, mostly because I am just so, so close to being in the 180's!  This is the lowest I have been in years, like...many, many years.  It's such a fantastic feeling.  I've really worked hard and been on point with both exercise and diet the last couple of weeks and I really feel like it's paid off.  Big shocker, having your shit together is effective.  ;)

Another thing I did was take measurements, which I've tried to do sporadically throughout my journey.  If you don't take measurements, PLEASE do it.  Don't put it off, take those measurements once every couple of months!  I've talked about this before but sometimes it's such an ego boost compared to weighing yourself.  We all know the scale can be totally douchey sometimes and fluctuate randomly whereas your measurements are just kind of a set thing.  Case in point, I have lost 4 pounds since March 4th, which really isn't a lot if we're going by the "lose a pound a week" standard.  However, I have lost FIVE inches from my body in the same time period.  Here's how things broke down measurement-wise since measuring on March 1st:

Neck:  -0.5
Bust:  -1.5
Waist:  -1.5
Left Thigh: -1
Right Thigh: -0.5

I am excited on so many levels.  First of all with my waist, a lot of that is reflective of how bloated and in pain I was due to the IBS stuff, so it's such a victory to me and so telling that I am down 1.5 inches since March (ie starting the FODMAP plan).  I know at least some of that is due to not being bloated all of the time.  And I'm always happy to lose any amount around my bust because I've always hated my boobs and am one of those rare women who would be thrilled to have an A or B cup.  (To any smaller ladies reading this, you are beautiful as is, wonderful and lucky!) My back feels so much better now and there are yoga moves and stretches that I couldn't do before that I can now because I don't have Jessica Rabbit boobs thwarting me.  Oh, and clothes actually fit!  The thighs are a victory too since I have been trying my hardest to get that area to budge for a very long time so seeing those numbers go down is pretty awesome.  I don't want a thigh gap or anything like that, I just want stronger, toned legs.

I straight up owe this to starting to do strength workouts and HIIT, and you're going to hear me sing the praises of this stuff a lot.  I've never had my body change like I'm seeing it change lately, and I really wish I'd kind of mentally gotten on board with it sooner.  It's almost a blessing that I had the freakout about running because it kind of forced me into doing these strength workouts.  I don't know what clicked in my brain, but I have found them so much more approachable and enjoyable and even when I do hour long workouts I feel like they fly by.  There were times with running where I was just literally out there for hours it seemed like.  I also feel like I don't argue with myself about doing strength/HIIT or wring my hands about it, it's just kind of this unspoken thing that when I get home from work I'm going to take the laptop upstairs and get my workout in before dinner.  It's also changed how I feel about my body.  I mean look, I'm not exactly proud of my stretch marks or the inevitable loose skin that I'm going to have.  Trust me, my stomach and thighs are going to be a disaster, yet I'm somehow not bothered by it most days due to my giddiness over my strength.  I am ridiculously proud when I see the beginnings of definition in my stomach, when I'm strong enough to do "girl" push ups and when I see more and more muscle popping out in my arms and thighs.  I was giddy Wednesday after a strength workout because after a whole 40 minutes of squats and deadlifts with 10 pound weights (20 pounds total), I realized that I could have comfortably done 15 or even 20 pounds each.  I've always had very weak arms, so finally feeling like I have some strength and power is very exciting!

Lately I have been kind of having this meta discussion with myself about my journey and me in general.  I am so happy with where I am now and where I'm going, but am also experiencing a lot of sadness/regret that I haven't gotten to this place sooner.  I've been at this on and off since 2009, so...7 freaking years.  I feel so aggravated with myself when I look back on old posts and think about all the time I've wasted and dicking around I've done.  I've gotten in my own way a lot for the past 7 years.  It's just been kind of exhausting and I'm ready to stop messing around.  I just want to get it over with and be in maintenance.  I know maintenance is its own separate deal and comes with challenges, but I'd love to be out of the actively losing weight stage.  The irony is, I think I'll actually be pretty good at maintenance because generally that's why I've lost so slowly.  I go through periods of maintaining, then have the shitlord tough love chat with myself and go about my merry way.  But the fact of  the matter is that I still have about 50-55 pounds to lose and if I keep losing at a rate of 2 pounds a month, just God...I'll be at this forever.  Like 2 more years forever.   I just want to get it over with.  Not in an unsafe or obsessive way, but I just want to keep having my shit together and doing what I need to do.  I have found what works for me, but I need to keep finding the determination to stick with it and not go through these periods of stalling.  I would love to end this year with a glass of champagne in my hand, watching the clock count down to 2017 and being at maintenance.  Maybe that's a bit aggressive, but I've spent so long being and feeling unhealthy, and I just want to get it over with so that I can have a healthy body going into my 40's.  Like seriously, that's kind of my mantra at this point.  Get it over with.  Get to the other side and start a new chapter.

Anyway, I know this has been kind of a serious, touchy feely post but it's just kind of been where I'm at lately.  And it's a good thing, I think it's good to have those periods of reflection and ask yourself the hard questions.


1 comment:

  1. It gets really depressing when you do the "two pounds a week" math. Just try to focus on the wins and let the big picture take care of itself (I know, impossible). You are seriously rocking it with your food and exercise lately and it's paying off!

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