Has anyone heard the song "Suddenly It's Christmas" by Loudon Wainwright? It pretty much sums up my feelings right now.
We majorly overbooked ourselves in December in an already overly booked year, and yesterday I hit the wall a bit. Not in a dramatic way, but I am definitely stressed out, and it seems every time we turn around there is a party or an event we have to go to, all things that we can't decline. It's been like that all year and I was just kind of over it yesterday. And all of that sounds so stupid, entitled and typically American, and I hate myself for even typing it out. The horror and suffering, I have too many parties! Call the Syrian refugees and tell them Mary's got bigger issues, she has nice people in her life who invite her to things.
I am a bit introverted and only have so much social toleration in my emotional bank so to speak. Several parties in one week, even with people I care about is just a bit overwhelming from an emotional standpoint. That much people time exhausts me, which sounds awful, but is just how it goes. We also have so little free time that I don't even have time to grocery shop, and even if I did, we're not there to eat the food anyways. I suddenly started panicking yesterday because I can't get into the routine I need to be in that will make me successful at weight loss. I got into this total mental freak out about it, convinced I was going to gain all of my weight back, and all of these other crazy things. I truly, truly want to get back to the dedicated place I was at the beginning of the year, but I know myself very well...until I can get into a routine, it ain't gonna happen.
And I start wringing my hands about that a lot. Part of me is like, "oh that's all excuses, if you really wanted it you'd just do it", and then I feel bad about myself. That was the cycle I was in yesterday, so I posted an SOS/vent on my ladies group page yesterday, and funny enough, it seemed like everyone is in the same boat. It's such a relief, well not that I want others to feel overwhelmed, but just to not feel alone. Most of the women in the group are also introverts, so they knew exactly what I was talking about. And I felt less bad about myself and am just trying to do the mantra of "this is how things are for 2 weeks, they will not be like this forever." I have made peace that I don't have the ability to be perfect for 2 weeks or so, and that's just who I am, for better or worse. I have small opportunities to make good choices when I can, and I will have to take those opportunities and forgive myself for all of the other ones.
One of the good choices I made last night was planning for when things won't be apeshit, and putting together a plan of freezer meals that will be ready to deploy so that I can immediately get into healthy habits and things are easily trackable. I had a free night last night, so I sucked it up and went to the store so that I could make the first round of stuff, which were actually a bunch of freezer breakfasts that I found on this link: Freezer Breakfast Ideas. Last night I made breakfast burritos, breakfast sandwiches and a mountain of French toast sticks. Sadly I was so in the zone that I didn't take pictures of the process, but all of the recipes were easy to make and things went well. While I was exhausted by the time I got done, I was so pleased with how everything turned out! I ended up with 12 breakfast sandwiches (egg, spinach, chicken sausage), 7 burritos (eggs, hash browns, chicken sausage) and an ungodly number of French toast sticks. I used the whole loaf of Texas toast and made multiple batches, because, why not. I logged all of the recipes in My Fitness Pal, so not only can I grab and go in the mornings, the logging will be easy!
We tested out the burritos this morning and I was very happy with them. Eric threw them in the oven at 350 degrees straight from the freezer as soon as he got up this morning, and we let them hang out in there until we were ready to leave for work. They stayed nice and hot through the commute and it was perfect by the time I was able to eat mine. After weeks of hurried mindless grabbing of cottage cheese or yogurt in the mornings, it was nice to have a substantial hot breakfast that will leave me full until lunch. It also reminded me of my breakfast burrito obsession at the beginning of the year when I was dedicated to my weight loss, so that was nice too. I am definitely taking some more time this weekend and making a few more of these to stash in the freezer!
As evidenced by the giant bottle, I am obsessed with that hot sauce, although I can never remember the name of it. I usually just call it my Chula Vista sauce since all I ever remember is that the name starts with a C. ;)
Sunday will be somewhat free, so I am going to concentrate on making freezer casseroles for us and continue adding a bank of meals to our freezer. The act of making the freezer food calmed me down a bit, because now I know that I will have plenty of food measured out and ready to be cooked, which will save me so much time and allow me to get back into my routine. Knowing that when things are more mellow and calm, I won't have to start from scratch cooking, measuring and all that jazz is a huge relief.
I hope everyone has a great weekend! We have a party tonight and tomorrow, and then I will have my shelter shift on Sunday as usual. My virtual race for the 12ks of Christmas also begins tomorrow!