Friday, February 15, 2013

Bad, Bad Blogger

It has been forever since I wrote a post, and since the last post wasn't exactly a happy one, I thought I'd better slay the dragon and write a new post.  I had all of these good intentions of posting a race report from our 5k last Saturday, to talk about running, to talk about my new philosophy on weight just kind of honestly went to hell.  So, here I am to talk about those things, albeit a little late!  No pictures in this post, simply because I am too lazy to deal with it this time around, I just want to get a post down and out.

Life has been very difficult the last couple of weeks.  I do not want to talk about my job for a variety of very obvious reasons, but it's not been a good time lately, and I have found myself extremely stressed.  I can tell my blood pressure is out of control again, because I can literally feel it.  On a good day it would be difficult to handle, but when you are grieving, wish you had a punching bag.  When something or someone you love very much dies, it quickly makes you realize who and what matters, and that's a very small core group of things.  My husband.  My family.  My amazing group of friends, who have overwhelmed me with thoughtfulness and kindness the last couple of weeks.  My health.  That's the shit that matters.  Unfortunately, sometimes the workplace becomes an all day director's cut of Office Space, where TPS reports and how many pieces of flair you are wearing is of DIRE importance to people 5 pay grades above you.  And it is a struggle, trying to give good face and play the game, while also trying to be who you are.  I know that was all very crunchy and philosophical, but that's what's going on, without giving too much away.

On to better things...last Saturday my husband and I both ran the Heart Breaker 5k.  It was the first race we've run together in a few years, so I was pretty excited he was doing it with me.  It was a very small, local race that I'd honestly never heard of, but it was about a 10 minute drive from our house!  I started that morning with an hour of Yin yoga, which really put my muscles and feet in a happy place.  Although it was brutal to get up early, I am going to have to try to make that a pre-race ritual.  It was a cold run, and a chilly 35 degrees, so having my muscles stretched and warmed like that ahead of time was a life saver!  So, two very cool things happened:  One, I actually PR'd!  I ran the 5k in 34:38, which was very exciting to me.  I hadn't run in like 2 weeks and thought I was going to suck for sure, but I actually was faster than normal.  I think I am just a race person, sometime about it actually puts some speed in my step.

The second cool thing to happen was that my husband, who has not trained at all, was only 2 seconds behind me at the finish!  I was so incredibly proud of him, his goal was to run the whole race and not take walk breaks, and he accomplished that.  I can't imagine if he trained, he would definitely be blowing past me at the finish line!

So I mentioned I had a new philosophy on weight loss.  So, I decided that I am going to stop tracking my food, counting calories, and to weigh very infrequently.  I know that may sound crazy and like I am not being serious about being healthy, but I discovered that it's actually going to be the healthiest option for me.  I have been pretty religious about tracking, even if I don't post about it here.  Even when I've had more than I should, I track it.  It has gotten to the point that it's made me exhausted and miserable.  I've been so focused on that, I've forgotten how to have joy and focus on running, which is unacceptable.  That's all I do all day at work, is try to hit numbers, get a certain percentage of this or that, and constantly grade myself for people above me.  Then to top that off, I'm doing it in my personal life too?  And don't get me started on the scale.  It never fails, every week I'm low, but weigh day will be up 2 pounds above where I was for the rest of the week.  And comically, would be back down to that low weight the day after weigh day.  I've got enough shit to be upset about and feel bad about without adding to it, so I am going to weigh once a month, IF I feel like it.  As I told my friends, it's not rocket science.  You know if you are losing weight or not.  Your shit is either fitting/baggy, or it's not.  I am going to eat normal meals, which due to tracking I have a pretty good sense of portions/calories and live my life.

I can't tell you how free I feel and what a burden has been lifted after I stopped tracking.  I've been doing pretty well with food too, and actually find that I'm eating less.  My pants are fitting good, and I feel like I look good so, that is good enough for me right now.

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